Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
