capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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