THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
