you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
