Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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