I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
