True but thats because hes a fetus.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
