im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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