hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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