mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
