explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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