Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
