just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
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I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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