My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
