i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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