Plan B is the new Plan A
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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