smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
