What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
