3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
