update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
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I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
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The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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