Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
