pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
