id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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