We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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