Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
