Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
