I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
