I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
