well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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