I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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