i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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