Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
