So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
