new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
