Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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