I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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