gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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