I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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