I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
