Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
