What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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