he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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