2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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