Your dad touched me again.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
