still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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