I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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