ADVERTISEMENT

• (703): View more from Virginia

  I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.

  Fav 4 2703 1312

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.

  Fav 13 1200 3167

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite

  Fav 4 1378 1422

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt

  Fav 1 1867 810

  share tweet
  

• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea

  Fav 8 1602 918

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.

  Fav 2 634 1315

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time

  Fav 5 755 597

  share tweet
  

• (253): View more from Washington

  For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.

  Fav 3 1427 656

  share tweet
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."

  Fav 8 694 1295

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself

  Fav 1 652 964

  share tweet
  

• (239): View more from Florida

  I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this

  Fav 1 267 183

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (408): View more from California

  Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry

  (805): View more from California

  House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges

  (408): View more from California

  I'm sorry.

  Fav 0 60 14

  share tweet
  

• (219): View more from Indiana

  Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.

  Fav 0 14 32

  share tweet
  

• (971): View more from Oregon

  I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.

  Fav 1 103 7

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (270): View more from Kentucky

  The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Most of the people I know from AA

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Haha touché

  Fav 0 59 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize