I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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