He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They took my balls.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
