oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So squirting runs in the family.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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