He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
