The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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