Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
