Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
