I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
