Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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