You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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