Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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