I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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