THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
please come you make the beer taste better
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
