You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
