the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
