I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
