Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize