Will you blow on my dice?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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