Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
