Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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