i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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