So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
