He kissed a someone with a penis
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I party with great urgency now.
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