i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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