I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
