Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
