Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
