My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
