My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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