Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
