Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
