the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
