either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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