well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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