I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
