I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
