Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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