I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do vagina's smell?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
